İletişim Yayınları ve Birikim dergisinde editör. Ağırlıkla Türkiye'de siyasi düşünce ve ideolojiler üzerine çalışıyor. Bu konuda kitapları ve yanında çevirileri de vardır. İstanbul Erkek Lisesi ve Ankara Üniversitesi Siyasal Bilgiler Fakültesi mezunu. 1963 Ankara doğumlu.
Let me start by introducing a ragged, gloomy scene:
“I was with my pajamas. I was in need of getting dressed. At least I had to gather my medicine and take them with me. I stood up and started to get prepared but lieutenant colonel wasn’t leaving the room. I told him that he had to leave. ‘Why? We both are men’, he said. I responded to him by stressing that there is precept of politeness among men. Then he left me alone”.
These lines are from Celal Bayar’s prison diary in Kayseri. Women as well may have the disposition of cancelling privacy among themselves too, I don’t know but I don’t think it would be as strict as among men.
“Aren’t we all men” is a great tool to ward off privacy. Because being man to man is thought to open the door to sincerity, transparency and honesty. Bluntness of “having nothing to hide”. Vast and “honest” sincerity that is believed to be possible only among men.
However, right to privacy is a measurement of civilization. It is not an opportunity “to be able to hide” something because what privacy protects is a person’s own space, his or her autonomy.
“Let’s have a man to man conversation”. It’s an invitation of a father to his son, an uncle’s to his nephew and sometimes a friend’s to a friend. Speaking man to man abolished privacy, moreover it provides opportunity for the uncanny things to uncloak. Door of secret is passed through and salvation is reached. Speaking man to man whets honesty and feeling of sincerity, it equips with a noble feeling of being chosen against those (“ignoble” ones as well as women) who are not honest and sincere.
According to a large number of evolutionary psychologists and anthropologists, tendency towards violence and aggression increases in communities which are composed of male subjects. During colonization of western America, homicides shew a decrease as women population grew.
Being man to man may manifest itself as letting oneself go, being impulsive. Man to man conversation among teenagers tends to turn into a feast of recklessness.
The warning of “There are ladies”... The efforts to increase the number of women at the tribunes in football matches… The organized events which brought the boarding school boys with the girls studying at military schools, as it was the case until the 1970s, I think… These are all arrangements which aim to manage the destruction to be caused by being man to man...
I do not know if it was the case at our school. While I was studying at the boarding school in the 70s, maybe because there were girls in class in the daytime, it was not found necessary to organize such events of binding-civilizing. But, we could not really become civilized. Most of the time, we remained distanced from being human in the day and boor at night; our boorishness continued during the daytime as well. Being man to man at night was so principal, so binding and it was so self-sufficient and created such an authority of surveillance that there was only one way to look at girls, even a “friendly” relationship was an object of ridicule. Later, when we could understand -at least, some of us-, we tried to fix it. Today, when we are amongst ourselves (man to man!), we blow a raspberry.
I become uneasy when the stance and demeanour of a man when he is man to man are too different than his stance and demeanour when there are women around. For some of them, playing “cool”, being polite and acting “cautious” around women is a sign that all this politeness (including “the politeness among men”, which Celal Bayar mentioned) will disappear when he is man to man.
In fact, for men, the men-to-men conversations are free fields where they can be relieved of the burden of politeness. Politeness is something like an after-shave that you put on your face when you appear before women. It is not an immanent value. It is an instrument, a source to be used in creating an impression. A limited source. A source that will be consumed only when it is necessary, a source that will be used sparingly.
Do I need to say that; to the politeness, which is hanged on the hook of unnecessariness among men, stick femininity and ‘moreover’ a suspicion of homosexuality as well. Politeness is regarded as behaving coquettishly and the ‘border gate of cilvegözü’ (the eye of coquetry)! When women and ‘especially’ homosexuals do not restrain themselves, when they speak ‘explicitly’ and use slang, the most manly gatherings hide behind the cover of politeness in any case. The limited responsible false politeness is also a warden of homosexuality.
There is a fuse extending from the liberty attributed to the man-to-man relationship to the false politeness “offered” to women. The impoliteness enjoyed in relief when being man to man multiplies the artificiality of politeness shown to women - it becomes the fuel of the violence and roughness that will explode when the necessity of politeness disappears. (TB/AŞ/APA/TK/SD)
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