Men are ‘Etc.’

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Men would walk around in groups.

A man to comb his hair or wear perfume was considered ridiculous because being well-groomed was a feminine trait. A man who was like a woman was an object of derision. A man had to be "like a man". A man had to constantly prove himself, refresh his maleness. There were also some who walked around without proving their maleness for weeks.

Even though the official bath day was Sunday, he would wash every couple of days. That's why he would wake up early in the morning and pour water over himself in the toilet so no one would understand. Everyone would wait in front of the school, without letting on that they were waiting.

A man who loved someone without letting her notice was the man. Everyone had a "cause".

Cause is the person who is loved, desired.

For some reason it was always a woman who was desired. Then again groups of men would beat each other up in front of schools. Because someone looked at his "cause", and the other talked with his "cause", etc.

Men are etc.

Women wouldn't engage in these fights because none of them had a cause. And the woman who had a cause wouldn't be thought much of.

He was again engaged in a fight to prove his maleness. His mouth and nose were black and blue, he cleaned up without anyone noticing.

When he peed himself at night, he would get up and clean the sheets and the mattress so no one would know, or he wouldn't get out of bed until it was completely dry. This was not the only time he felt embarrassed either. It is known as morning erection in literature. He would run to the toilet so that his mother wouldn't see his erection mixed with pee.

His situation was very weird. The more he struggled to be powerful, the more he found himself in miserable and pathetic situations. He had found himself a new, strong group. They used to march all the way to school chanting: five more kicks to this guy, ten more kicks to that...

They would go to the cafes where women and men sat together. Everyone would stare at the same girl sitting at the table across and day dream. At the end of the story, there would be kids and everything. One house, separate rooms, houses where women knew how to behave properly.

Almost each and every home had a father. He had one too. He had a father indeed but who was fathering him? Father was the superior man, the one that comes after the state. And father was alone, like everyone one who is a father. Alone while he was eating, watching TV, giving pocket-money...

It is the father who walks around with a tape measure in his hand. It is again the father who keeps a certain distance and does not get too close with anyone in the family. If the grandfather saw the father love his child or get close to him or her, he would reprimand him.

The grandfather was somewhere between the state and the father.

The grandfather would reprimand every adolescent and/or newly grown man. Reaching him with a tape measure was impossible. The father would only approach mother. When she heard noises she would pretend to snore not to let on that she was awake. Then the father would go to the bathroom stepping on them.

So, that was what manhood was about?

It was about stepping over women.

By jumping over everyone, if need be... The father had taught him the biggest lesson, with or without knowing it. Now, he had to prove what a good student he was.

He would make practical jokes on the girls in class. He would stand behind a girl and want one of his friends to push the girl. If that did not work, then he would pull their hair. These were all a preliminary preparation for the violence that he would inflict in years to come.

Being the son of the father, fulfilling the expectation, was now his sole objective. The objective was sometimes to buy a pair of the newest shoes on the market. Sometimes, it was to finish a single cigarette with his male friends in the school restroom. It was to swing prayer beads, to cross his legs, to go to the Friday prayer, for example.

Ah, it was also to never give the eye to the sister of his friend. That was the most difficult of all. While he had almost no communication with the girls in his class, he had communication with the sister.

"Hi, is Ahmet home? You tell him I'm here."

The sister sometimes said, "Okay". They were getting along better with each passing day. "Okay, I will call him." He sometimes could not hold himself back and said, "Okay, I am waiting". He was really close to being friends with a woman. If he had not fallen out with her big brother. If the brother had not sensed that he was getting on better with his sister day by day.

After that, the case is closed and he revolts. He revolts against the mother, the father and, if need be, against the state.

That is how he makes his first serious acquaintance with the state.

In the middle of the night, he drinks whatever he can find. He wanders the streets like a mad man. Then he comes across the police, and before he knows it, he finds himself in a holding cell. All through the night, his mind is injected with all possible states of manhood existing in literature.

The winner is again manhood.

He has learnt manhood everywhere. He considers himself very lucky.

Nowadays, he keeps talking about himself to the boys in the neighborhood.

He hangs out with people who are like him, he swears at this and that. They always act in unison, because men walk around together, and women always alone. (AKÇ/ŞA/APA/SD/TK/IG)

* Images: Kemal Gökhan Gürses

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