‘I Have Raised Such a Child That He is Unprejudiced, Accepting and Supportive’

Click to read the interview in Turkish

On Mother's Day as well as in general mainstream discourses, the notion of "motherhood" refers to non-trans women in heterosexual wedlock.

However, mothers who do not fit these mainstream heteronormative definitions, lesbian and queer mothers, trans mothers and all other mothers are also celebrating Mother's Day all over the world.

For years, activist, lesbian and mother Mine Yanat has been sharing her experience for her activism, from how she left Nişantaşı Girls' High School due to her sexual orientation to being a lesbian and mother.

We have spoken with Mine Yanat about Mother's Day and the mothers that fall outside of mainstream heteronormative definitions.

'I wanted to be a mother and I have become one'

You are a lesbian mother and you have established your own family structure yourself. What does it mean to you?

[Being] a lesbian mother is hard in this country. You would ask why... Artificial insemination is forbidden, adopting a child is difficult even for heterosexual married couples, I think it would be impossible for a single homosexual.

My own family structure is not within the family structure of the society. As I was a lesbian, I did not fit into the heterosexual family structure even as a child. I might be a lesbian, but I am a woman. I wanted to be a mother and I have become one. There are very different women in society, I am not judging anyone, but I have raised such a child that he is unprejudiced, accepting and supportive...

'A difficult experience'

You join LGBTI+ protests and demonstrations with your son. What kind of an experience is such a family solidarity?

He was 10-12 when he joined the parade. He learnt about me back then. He learnt about it himself, he supported me himself. He is still my biggest supporter. He also had tough times because he had a lesbian mother. I know that he was pestered by his friends at school. There were also times when he was intercepted by people who had prejudices about homosexuals. I cannot know exactly what he went through, I only know what he told me.

'Mothers raise them on their own anyway'

What drawbacks do you think there are in making a uniform definition of motherhood through heterosexual women?

A woman can give birth to a child by means of a man. But, in this society, that child is - by 80 percent - raised by the woman. You see it when you look at the mothers of children whose fathers died, women can already raise their children on their own. I also grew up without a father. My late mother did the best she could do to raise us.

So, what is left? Is there a need left for men because of the system? That is what I think, the whole burden is on the shoulders of women. But, unfortunately, our women cannot realize it.

What can be done to support lesbian mothers?

Supporting with words does nothing. First, they should be confident themselves, there is no such thing as support from here and there. At the end of the day, the woman is on her own, she raises the child by herself. Especially in the current situation, homophobia has increased and - to be honest - things seem dire. I also fear that it will turn it into violence.

Economic hardships, social pressure... I went through a lot. You raise a child without a father. Society questions it. "Where is your husband," it asks. "Her husband is dead," they even said for me. There is pressure in the end.

Raising a child without prejudices

Based on your own experience of motherhood, what would you like to share with other women?

As the saying goes, "paradise lies at the feet of the mother." I think it is true. But for those who mother [their children]... There are mothers among Turkish women who really meet the needs of their children, care for them and give them love. The most important of all is to give love, to be able to teach them how to live in a society and how to be without prejudices.

In this society, mothers should raise their children without prejudices and with equality. They should eliminate the ignorant points in their minds. Mothers should raise their children well so that society can change. And this happens with education. I don't know how, but educating mothers is necessary. They need to be freed from their prejudices and the pressures of men.

Women need to be confident. They should confront men if need be. A mother should be able to say, "This child is mine, I gave birth to her." She should be able to say, "I will educate him." (EÖ/EMK/AÖ/SD)