"We know that we are definitely unwanted people"

Drawing: Cornalia Li

Click to read the article in Turkish / Kurdish

Kemal Kılıçdaroğlu's tweet on July 16, 2021, saying "When we come to power, we will say our goodbyes to our Syrian guests within two years. This is one of the most important five priorities of our government" has increased the discussions about refugees in Turkey, especially the Afghans thought to have formed a new migration wave, and aggravated the reactions.

While politicians voiced their opinions about the new Afghan migration wave, journalists made news on refugees' expectations about the future and on the events at the borders. They interviewed the academicians with expertise on this subject and civic society representatives.

After a period of about a month during which the situation of refugees and their future in Turkey were on the agenda, and reactions bordered racism and discrimination from time to time, Emirhan Yalçın lost his life in the hospital after a fight that took place between a Syrian group and the residents in Altındağ district of Ankara on August 10, 2021. Following this event, the tension escalated in Önder and Battalgazi districts. The houses and stores of the Syrians residing in these two neighborhoods were targeted.

On screen with folders

The issue of refugees, especially the Syrians, has evaded the entire media for a while now. On all news channels' screens divided into two, four, six, eight, everyone from academicians to strategy experts, from members of the parliament to journalists, from ex-soldiers to ex-bureaucrats, makes an appearance with some folders on hand. They keep announcing some numbers from the papers they take out of those folders: The number of refugees who came until now, the number of refugees who got citizenship, the number of refugees who bought real estate, the number of refugees who got involved in crime, the number of refugees who will vote, the number of young and male refugees, etc. And most often they look terrified reading those numbers, their eyes pop out of their heads, their voices tremble. Clearly they want to leave an impression on the audience, but the impression they want to leave is beyond information, it is terror, invasion, destruction even.

What are they feeling?

How are the refugees experiencing the racist discourse and oppression rising in Turkey? What are their feelings? We handed the microphone to Zeynep C. (46) who worked as a doctor in Afghanistan. We talked about the racist reactions that she and her family faced in Turkey. Zeynep C. states that they prefer to remain silent about the racist oppression for their own safety; she says she sometimes feels like a ghost and describes migration as a kind of conviction.

Zeynep C. says "We know that we are definitely unwanted people and being aware that we are not wanted, we are trying to pursue a closed, isolated life as much as possible." We give the floor to Zeynep C. whom we met in Altındağ, Ankara:

Have you encountered any racist oppression in your daily life?

We know that we are definitely unwanted people and being aware that we are not wanted, we are trying to pursue a closed, isolated life as much as possible. Especially in the last year, racist discourse and oppression have substantially increased. My husband and I made decisions to protect our children's psychology, most importantly their life safety. Our children have to obey these rules.

"I tell my children to speak Turkish"

Can you tell us about these decisions?

My oldest daughter is 25 years old. My sons are 21, 17, and 13 years old. My youngest child is a girl and she is 9 years old. When we came to Turkey in 2017, my oldest daughter was a student in the Faculty of Dentistry at Kabul University. She could not continue her education after coming to Turkey both because the status provided to us Afghans allows only for primary education and - essentially - because of economic reasons. My daughter stays home, never goes out, does not even leave her room. The education situation of my two sons who are 21 and 17 years old is the same too. They finished high school, but they could not attend university because the "international protection status" given to refugees only offers paid higher education. My oldest sons started to work in order to contribute to the budget as they cannot attend university. They work at a cafeteria in Kızılay, washing the dishes and cleaning. My children walk from home to Kızılay not to pay for transportation. First of all, we strictly forbade the children to do something on their own. I certainly do not want them to speak Persian on their way. I sent them to TÖMER courses for learning the language. I told the two siblings to speak Turkish on their way. We reside in Turkey in an official/registered way, but there are always police ID checks on my children's path to work. My children may be taken into custody, they may be sent to a repatriation center by the police even though they are officially registered. My and their father's phone numbers are on their speed dial. If they hang up after ringing once, for us this is a sign that something has happened to them.

How is the attitude of the security forces during ID checks?

I never dealt with the police directly, but unfortunately both my children and the children in the neighborhood have unpleasant experiences. The police treat them quite harshly. Most importantly, the police can send even the officially registered children to a repatriation center. The government entitled us to a right, yet the police can disregard this right given to us, they can make an excuse for this. We heard that the police used violence and told them "Speak Turkish" if the children of families in our neighborhood expressed themselves in Persian when they were asked for an ID card.

"There is anger against foreigners"

Would it be accurate to say that you speak Persian only at home?

We speak Persian only in places where we feel secure. I started to learn Turkish by myself from the moment we decided to come to Turkey. After coming to Turkey, I sent my children to TÖMER language courses to learn Turkish. Because in Turkey there is anger against foreigners. On the bus, while shopping, everywhere. I am scared to use public transportation.

You said you feel that there is "anger against the foreigners" on the bus, while shopping. What makes you feel this?

This does not happen all the time, but even those behind me in the queue for the bus can ask for priority. They act as if you should take the bus last even though you are in line, sometimes they snipe. For example, they say "These have invaded everywhere." Most of the reaction on the bus, on the subway is from women, more specifically old women. This is a rule for me: I never answer the phone when I am on the bus unless it is my children or my husband. Though I know Turkish, I am not as fluent as you. My children usually try not to call me when I am outside. The other day I was on the bus. My husband called. He got very sick. My husband's Turkish is not good. I spoke in Persian quietly and very briefly. Two elderly Turkish women sitting next to each other shouted "Go back to your country, get out. You do not have any pride. Would people stay where they are not wanted?" I stood up in order to get off the bus, pressed the button, I will get off at the next stop. The woman was shouting "You are robbing my children's, my grandchildren's rights." A young Turkish woman and man interfered, at that moment I got off the bus.

"We do not have the strength to fight"

Did you not respond to it?

Never. Neither me nor my children respond when we encounter racist reactions or oppression. We ran away from war. Our souls are tired. We do not have the strength to fight. But what is essential is that: In the end we are refugees. We are the ones who came to Turkish territories. Quarelling with them in their country would work against us.

For instance, last year I hung our washed clothes on the lines in the balcony. When I went back to collect them towards the evening, I saw that all the clothes had white waves. I took one piece and realized that the stain was due to bleach. I did not want to believe it. I thought "They would not go that far." The Turkish family living upstairs in our building did not want refugees to move in at all. But the landowner and the real-estate agent both trusted us and rented for twice more money. My neighbor upstairs was making excessive noise and kept continuously harassing us. In the end, she poured bleach on our clothes. I was too shy to go to her door. I knew she would yell a lot.

"Go back to your country, get off"

What did you do?

I waited for her to come out to the balcony. When she did, I calmly said to her "You are a woman just like I am. Why do you do this? These are my children's clothes. What do you want from us?" My neighbor, on the other hand, shouted tens of sentences like "I did pour [the bleach]. Yes. What will you do? Will you complain to the police? Go ahead. Who are you? You came to my country and settled in. Go back to your country, get out. But you are so dishonorable that you would stay where you are not wanted..." We come across similar things also at the district bazaar. I go shopping at the bazaar on my own. If there is a line in front of a stall and I am waiting in the line, the Turkish people will go in front of us. They do not even see me. I am actually there, waiting to extend the money in my hand to the stallholder, but everyone goes in front of me. If the stallholder notices, they take my vegetables, weigh them and take the payment from me.

What does this situation make you feel?

It makes me ask questions like "Am I by any chance a ghost? Am I not visible?"

"Mom, it is enough already, I cannot take it anymore"

Do your Turkish neighbors generally have a racist attitude toward you?

I cannot say that they are all the same. Some Turkish families say hi, but most react. For example, say the children left their shoes outside the door by mistake. They immediately start to yell, knock on the door. Sometimes shoes are lost. My husband once saw the sandals we lost in the garbage when he was taking out the trash. Our building has 10 flats. Afghan families reside in four of these. Other families are Turkish. Three Turkish families apply excessive oppression, they do not want us in their building at all. My younger children can go outside the building to play ball only when I am at home. I keep telling them "do not make noise, do not disturb anybody." My children are very careful. But the other day I went out on the balcony upon hearing the noise, the shouting. Two women sitting on the balcony in our building said things starting with "God damn you" and including very obscene swearwords to my children. Their excuse was that the noise from the ball gave them a headache. My son was very affected by the harsh swearwords, I saw this on his face. I told my children "Come upstairs right away." But my son yelled "Mom, it is enough already, I cannot take it anymore. I will silence this woman" in Persian and aloud for the first time in the street. I said "Don't you dare" and ran downstairs. I took my children and went back upstairs. It was all piled up, my children cried a lot that day. They do not go outside to play ball anymore.

"They beat my husband in the worker market"

Does your husband encounter racist oppression in daily life?

My husband was teaching literature in Afghanistan. But in Turkey, he started working in construction because he cannot practice his profession. Unfortunately he could not learn Turkish well. He has trouble expressing himself in Turkish. He goes to the worker market in Dışkapı at 5:45 in the morning. But Turkish workers do not want refugees to come to the market at all, claiming that refugees lower the daily wages. That's why there are often fights in this market. My husband too got beaten a few times in this fight. He had slits on his eyebrows and his lips. The shopkeepers there called the ambulance. They took him to the emergency room at SSK Dışkapı Hospital. He had stitches. They told me and I brought my husband home when he was discharged.

Before the migration from Syria and Afghanistan, only Turkish workers went to the worker market. Employers come to the market around 6:00 in the morning to get workers. Say a Turkish worker works for 100 lira per day, refugees can work for 50 lira when required. Turkish workers are right in their own way too. I am not mad at them. But refugees do not have rights. We are all alone, there is no one helping. Most of the time, that 50 lira brought home covers the kitchen expenditures for two-three days. But believe me, my husband works at construction for ten days and the employer does not pay that money only because he is an immigrant.

"My husband could not even get the money for his work"

What do you do in this case?

My husband fell from the construction twice. The employer took my husband, who was lying on the ground with several fractures, from the construction area into the car and left him somewhere else. In order not to be fined. We heard from my husband much later. I wanted to complain about the construction owner. I looked for support about this. But they always told me "Employers have long hands. They can deport you to another city." We could not say anything. He had very grave fractures. We covered the treatment costs. He was at home for six months. His last employer owed him 1,400 lira, but paid him only 300 lira. The work was done, but my husband could not get the money. Because my Turkish was good, I called the employer. He said "I will pay when I have money." 15 days passed. When I called to remind him of his debt for the second time, he had blocked my and my husband's numbers. Put yourself in my shoes. How can you get that money from the employer in such a situation? Who will we complain to? You cannot get it of course. That's why we remained silent again. In Turkey, I learned the most about being silent and patience.

"We come together on social media"

Do you have any formations like cooperation/solidarity against racist oppression among Afghans?

We are very scared to do this. We are scared to get together in the neighborhood as Afghan families. Our coming together may be perceived as if "We are making a decision, we will react to racist oppression, we will demonstrate." For this reason, we never come together in crowded groups. We have a group formed through a social media application. Our group consists of women. We closely follow the news. We very closely follow the news because the reactions directed to us have quite escalated after the Turkish became very poor after the latest economic crisis. We learn about the latest occurrences, the attacks against immigrants/refugees in Ankara or other cities, and share them in the group. There is a saying "the tension is high" among Turkish people. Whenever "the tension is high" in Turkey, we try to keep our children and husbands at home as much as possible. As Afghan women, we know Turkish better, we can speak Turkish in emergencies in public transportation, we learned to remain silent and to be patient when subjected to insults, that's why we go out.

"I am not mad at all to Turkish people"

Where do you think all this oppression comes from?

I observe the following. According to Turkish people, every foreigner is Syrian. They react to us, when they say "Go to your country," they say "Filthy Syrians." Yet the European Union sends all the money for the Syrians too. The government does not provide us with special aid, even the university is paid. Rents are twice as much as what Turkish people pay. The Red Crescent in Turkey makes a minuscule monthly payment for immigrant children under the age of 18. This payment is made by a unit in the governorate of the district where you reside. The Red Crescent makes the payment at the same place to the children of poor Turkish families too. Hence, the Turkish, the Afghan, the Syrian, we all wait in the same salon. Turkish people look at us thinking "The government pays money to people running away from war while I am hungry in my own country. The government pays my children's money to foreigners." They continuously voice this out during the wait. The day when we receive the payment from the Red Crescent is very stressful. I find Turkish people right. Their economic situation is very bad too. Why should we be a burden to them when they barely feed themselves? I am not mad at them at all. I am trying to understand them.

"We are only breathing in Turkey"

What kind of effects do the campaigns and the oppression against foreigners which have escalated in the latter months have on you?

Believe me, I am very sad. We are only breathing in Turkey. We are striving to feed ourselves. But life is not something like this. We are not living. We are struggling to survive. I cannot send my children to school. I could not offer a good life to my children. My children are not happy. Deep down, sadness is consuming me. I will say it very sincerely. Our experiences in the migration path when we were coming to Turkey and in Turkey make me think this: Afghan people had a lot of pain. They still do. Wars, conflicts... I wish that a bomb drops on Afghanistan just like Hiroshima and the country totally disappears...

"I cannot practice medicine in Turkey"

Can you tell us about yourself?

I am a doctor. I graduated from the Medical School of Kabul University. I worked as a gynecologist in my country. I am 46 years old. The Taliban wanted to recruit my husband and children as soldiers. There was a lot of oppression. My oldest daughter was a freshman at the university, she was studying dentistry. There was a lot of pressure for her to get married. Along with my husband, we decided to come to Turkey. We talked with the children, they agreed too. In 2017, we made a deal with human traffickers and came to Turkey through Iran. The year we came to Turkey, my daughter was a student in the Faculty of Dentistry at Kabul University. My sons were continuing education as well. But after coming to Turkey, they could not continue their education. Because the legal status of Afghans allows only primary education. State universities are unfortunately paid, anyway they already have a limited quota for immigrant students.

I cannot practice medicine in Turkey. I am always at home. Every mother cares about her children. But I have this feeling. I am not responsible for the war, for the Taliban's violence. But because I brought my children into this world, I am responsible for everything about them. I am a doctor. My husband is a teacher. We have university degrees, but I cannot send my children to university. My children cannot sit in a cafeteria. They do not have friends. Going outside costs money. They are only living. Once, I went outside with my younger children, they wanted toys, they wanted food. There is no money. I decided at that moment. To kill my children and then myself. I do not want to say "someone that is not a mother cannot understand" my feelings at that moment. Every person who truly wishes to empathize can understand the pain and the despair that I experienced deep down. I hope they will not view what I am saying by opening my heart as selfishness, or think "What kind of a doctor is this woman that she would think of committing suicide by leaving her children?"

"I will take the exam for practicing medicine"

You went home. Then what?

I went home. I did not have the heart to do this to my children. I wrote a letter. I went to my room and attempted suicide. The children became uneasy when I did not come out of the room for a long time. They called their father. My husband called the ambulance. I stayed in the hospital for a long time. I had some psychological treatment, too. I actually fell, but after this event, I stood up again. I wanted to be useful. I went to the United Nations a few times and said "I am going crazy at home. Give me a job. I want to look after my children. I want to feel useful." Currently I am working as an interpreter in a project on immigrants' health and rights, conducted by the UN with a municipality. I work for an hourly wage. In September, I will take the placement test for practicing medicine in Turkey. If I can get above a certain score, I will intern at hospitals and departments determined by the Council of Higher Education in Turkey for 66 weeks. After completing this internship, I will be able to work as a doctor not in gynecology, which is my field of expertise, but in the emergency services of private hospitals.

"Immigration is conviction"

You just said that from time to time you feel like a ghost. What other words would you use to describe immigration?

Immigration is conviction. Conviction does not apply only to people who commit crime and live in prison. Refugees too live the life of a convict. We are striving to feed ourselves. But life, living is not this. Living is a very meaningful word. We are experiencing forced conviction in immigration.

"Is what we have already experienced not enough?"

Would you consider going back if the political and social conditions in Afghanistan improve?

I would not think even for a minute, I would return immediately. It is very difficult for one to quit the land where he/she was born and that he/she is familiar with. Afghan people suffered a lot. Is what we have already experienced not enough? Wars, occupations, afterwards the Taliban. People are dying in Afghanistan, children are dying. Siblings are dying. A solution must be found now or just like Hiroshima, a bomb should be dropped over the country so that it will be wiped off the map.

Can I take your picture for the interview?

No. Never. I am scared. If I pass the test and start working as a doctor in Turkey, then you can take a picture in the hospital and use my real name. But right now, in such an insecure environment, I never want you to use my picture or my name. I will be glad if you can use the name Zeynep. Zeynep is a name that I like very much.

In Good Times and Bad: Living Together Article Series

1- Family: In good times and bad...

2- Is it possible to live together in the presence of impunity?

3- Politics of horror and the cinema

4- What can hatred be washed off with?

5- Creativity and music: In good times and bad

(HG/SO/NÖ/VK)