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Those who take alternating annual leaves, those who have to quit their jobs, who take grandmothers to live with them, who try to carry out office work from home with two small children...
Working parents have spent one and a half years like this.
Now they are being victimized in the sudden complete lockdown once again. Although it was announced that pre-school education institutions affiliated with the Ministry of Family and Social Services will be open after a full 17-day closure, schools affiliated to the Ministry of National Education are closed.
Healthcare professionals are the main victims. Nurse Aslı explains her adjuring to the kindergartens affiliated with the Ministry of Family. Ethem's wife is also a healthcare worker, and she got a compassionate leave from her workplace. İsmet, on the other hand, has issued an online permit, which he is not sure about the validity of, for the nanny. There are parents who think they are not good enough...
The working mother, Enif Yavuz Dipşar, who is also a child development specialist, says "Children are being dragged from here to there. It has become the only solution for families for their children to be cared for by someone, like cats or flowers, which are left with the neighbors. When trying to educate children about privacy and borders, there will be serious difficulties because of these contradictions.
"We can't find a nanny because we are 'a family at risk'"
"We try to take care of our children in pieces, we feel inadequate. A war is going on in a hospital, another one is going on at home..." says Nurse Aslı, mother of two.
She speaks about their war against COVID-19 for a year and a half as healthcare workers. On the other hand, she tells that her two children are fighting another battle because they are left alone during their development process.
Now, she explains they have had a lot of difficulties because they have to work during the 17-day lockdown process, for which they could not make any preparations.
She states that they cannot hire a private nanny as a healthcare worker and they are seen under the risk of contagion.
"There has been a total closure for 17 days, but of course we continue to work in the same way. Many of my friends also became victims. There is no one to leave their children. They adjured to the kindergartens affiliated with the Ministry of Family. Offered them money so that their children can also be taken... But it's not happening, there is a quota.
"A war in the hospital, a war at home"
"The lockdown happened so quickly. Those whose parents could come from out of town could not come anyway. I speak on behalf of many of my friends. We were seriously victimized. I know that there are many people who also have to work who are not healthcare professionals. But at least it had to be considered during this period of closure when healthcare workers are giving so much effort. Kindergartens could be open for people like us. "As colleagues, we run around and look out for each other. I am free between these hours, and I will also look at yours. I am leaving work at this hour, so I can take care of your child. You come and go and then I'll go... We are trying to take care of our children in pieces.
We brought the grandmother home in this closure. She is also not enough. Our child is in first grade. We persistently taught our child to use a computer.
"Our child keeps asking if they can go to school regularly. Nothing of the schools was organized. We think we are not enough anymore. We are giving a war in the hospital, and another one in the house... The children have been far away from us for a long time. While you are dealing with one, you cannot take care of the other. While one has distance education, the other does not. Or one goes to school while the other stays inside. An unhealthy generation awaits us. I don't think healthcare professionals are considered too much, everyone was told to take care of themselves."
"I had to take compassionate leave from my work"
Ethem, a municipality employee, whose wife is a radiology nurse, says he has taken a one-week compassionate leave.
"I have two kids; one is nine years old and the other is six. Since my wife is a healthcare worker, she cannot take leave and has to continue working. In this case, I always step in.
"My little child is at home now, as the daycare centers are closed in lockdown. For those whose spouse is a healthcare worker or both of them are healthcare professionals, no one asks 'What are you doing, what difficulties do you have?' The place where I worked showed good intentions, and I was able to go on leave. But what will this process be if it takes a month? I am constantly going to need to get a compassionate leave...If I take my annual leave, what will happen when I really need it? How will I relax?
"I also have my own health problem. Sometimes I have to leave the children alone at home. Our parents are in different cities. Seniors do not have travel permits. We don't want to risk them either.
"I cook during the day, tidy up, go shopping for the house. In this case, it would be a lie if I say I attend to them too often. Sometimes my wife works overtime. She comes even later.
"The process of opening and closing schools was also very tiring. This inconsistency is also very difficult. They open it today and close it tomorrow. You adapt to something; it changes. Face-to-face, and then distance education. This constant system change has been exhausting us.
"We issued a permit for the nanny but..."
The wife of İsmet, the father of two children, is also a health worker. They have two children, eleven and three years old. He explains that they have hired a babysitter instead of giving their child to daycare.
"Things changed when there was a complete closure. Now it is necessary for a babysitter to obtain a permit. We found a template online. I don't know who prepared it but is on the internet. Some of our friends have filled it. We had it signed by the hospital management. The babysitter was convinced of that. But we don't know what would happen if the police ask to see it. I do not know if it is valid or not. If the nanny is punished, we will pay the fine.
"Healthcare workers cannot take leave right now. There are rotating employees in the institution where I work, but this is not possible because of the intensity of the work. We do not have any parents and close relatives in the city we live in. This is how we solved this process.
"Things got more difficult in the lockdown"
So, what does Nazlı, the mother of two children who are four and six and a half years old, go through in this period when she works from home? Although she says that she is somewhat more comfortable because she is in a managerial position in the institution where she works, you listen by holding your breath starting from 6.30 in the morning when she tells you what she does during the day.
"I was sending my younger child to a private kindergarten affiliated with the Ministry of National Education, but when there was a complete closure, my kid had to get back in the house. I think the schools should be open for the mental health of children.
"My 6-year-old is also learning how to read and write from home so needs a lot of help. We were working side by side for a very long time. And we had an incredible conflict. You want the child to adapt. But it doesn't work, at age six, after all.
"I have friends who can't get up from the screen and can't get a day off. I have a wider range of motion than them. On the one hand, I still have to follow my work on the phone or computer. He wants to play with you. The children don't know what a Zoom meeting is, after all.
"My younger one is locked in at home again during these 17 days, therefore, cannot turn on the television while the older brother is in class. The house gets boring. This time the younger starts to harass the older. I have meetings where I could never get up. They constantly need to go to the bathroom. You simply cannot say stop, wait a minute.
"At one point, you realize that you are holding your breath. I noticed this in all this turmoil; I am constantly holding my breath.
"I think about how we can get out of this process with the least damage. We are doing a lot of things during the day, we have started to entitle ourselves to go crazy nowadays. But at the end of the day, when we go crazy, nobody will be with us."
"Everything is in halves"
A mother who is an academic at a private university tells her story. Likewise, she has been working from home for a year and a half. She reports that her 4-year-old daughter went to the kindergarten just before the closure and had a babysitter at home.
"My conditions are better than most people, but for the child, the situation is very difficult. Nothing is a substitute for socializing outside. The child only sees adults. Whether there is a babysitter or a garden, the child still clings to the mother. When you are in front of their eyes all the time, they cannot gain independence. For this reason, I cannot concentrate on any of my work. It is not possible to collect my thoughts. She started school. Right at the moment we said she got used to being there 4 weeks ago, it got closed.
"On the one hand, full lockdown bans are also ridiculous. They sent a letter to the residents of the site saying that going out is forbidden, is this possible with a 4-year-old child? I went out with my child to see what would happen.
"As a result, this is a closure where the bill is for the elderly, women, and children. Wounds open in the soul of these children. It opens with us too, but it's worse for them because they can't make a sense of it. They have no resources, we are the only ones.
"As I am deprived of my own strength, I cannot be good for her and cannot be enough. I cannot do my job fully. Everything is in halves. Endless lessons, my relationship with the child is not complete. My relationship with my spouse is half."
A working father who has the custody of his two daughters said, "If my mother hadn't come to my house, I would have had a hard time, I don't know what I would have done." Because the mother of the children also works. During this period, I also had to move near my workplace.
"Children are commodified"
On the other hand, Enif Yavuz Dipşar, a mother of a child, who is also a child development specialist, thinks that children have become commodities by being dragged from one place to another: "First of all, it is necessary to evaluate the issue from two different perspectives. The first is working parents. Elderly people are not allowed to go out. They do not issue permits for babysitters. Children of working families either go to the workplace with them, which is mostly the mothers, or in the metropolitan cities, families pleadingly hand over their children to neighbors and apartment workers they do not really know.
"One of the most important parts to be evaluated is its effect on children. In this process, preschool children who were dragged from place to place, such as babysitters, relatives, and kindergartens within the means of all segments of the society, who were trying to find solutions, were literally commodified. It has become the only solution for families to leave their children under the neighbors' care, like a cat or flower.
"How will these children learn boundaries?"
"However, secure attachment is very important for this age group. Anxiety problems are frequently observed in children. The day after tomorrow, when trying to give privacy and boundary education to these children, when these behaviors are aimed to be acquired, serious difficulties will be faced due to the contradictions experienced right now. It is the most natural right of children to be educated in a safe and healthy environment and to be cared for.
"In addition, mothers with children under the age of 10 were allegedly given permits, but children who are cared for only by their fathers who have no mothers suffer serious victimization. In this process, the importance of gender equality was once again understood." (AÖ/DCE/VK)
