‘I Cannot Start Everything From Scratch When I Have Got So Much Used to’

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"I want to have a family, I want to have children. I am working at a barber's shop in Turkey. I get 1,800 lira per month, I pay 1,000 for rent. I run out of money, but I want to have a nice meal, I want to wear nice clothes."

"We fled war, we have entered another fight for life. We didn't come here out of desire or the ones who leave don't do it out of desire. No one understands, but war is very hard and leaving one's land for another place is very hard."

"Everyone views us as a ball, sis. We are humans. We are tired now. Mother, father, brothers and sisters... We are all in different places. They should end the war in my country, everyone should leave our country. We want to go back to our country."

After Turkey announced that it would not stop refugees trying to leave Turkey for Europe, thousands of refugees have set off for the borders. While several refugees are at Turkey-Greece border, hundreds of others are in Aksaray, facing a dilemma over whether to leave Turkey or stay.

But why do the ones who leave want to leave? Do all refugees want to go? What do the ones who stay say? We look for answers to these questions in Aksaray, a home to thousands of refugees from Sudan to Iraq.

Today, Aksaray is crowded in a different way, there is a different mobility than other days. People seem to be moving out to somewhere, they have their bags with them, they are moving in an excited commotion...

'I am like you now..."

While I am walking towards Murat Paşa Park, I see a young man in front of a shop, watching the park. When I approach and say hi, he tells me that he is from Aleppo. His name is İsmail. He works as a shop assistant in Aksaray.

He came from Syria five years ago. He fought for Free Syrian Army for some time and his cousins for Assad's army. "Against whom am I fighting? Who will I kill?", he asked himself, laid down arms and came to Turkey.

When I ask him if he wants to go to Europe, he says "No" in a determined voice and tells me the following:

"I don't want it, I won't go. I will only get back to Syria from here, I don't want to go somewhere else. I have been in Turkey for five years. The first two years were very difficult for me, but I have friends now. My boss is like my family. I speak like you, I eat your food, I am like you now.

"I cannot start everything from scratch when I have got so much used to here. Because being a refugee is hard, so is getting used to a place, having friends and being accepted. I will only go to my country from here.

"We fled war, we have entered a different fight for life. We didn't come here out of desire or the ones who leave don't do it out of desire. No one understands, but war is very hard and leaving one's land for another place is very hard."

Both nervous and excited

Leaving İsmail in front of the shop, I start walking towards the park again. It is like the Topkapı Bus Terminal of the past. Hundreds of people are waiting at the park with bags, sacks and blankets. Everyone is watching one another. With a nervous and excited expression on their faces...

A group of young people are talking loudly to each other. I approach and ask them "To Edirne?". They answer my question at once in a broken Turkish: "The police of Greece beat us, took our money and threw us back to Turkey."

6 young men from Algeria, Sudan and Morocco... They went to Edirne province to leave Turkey for Europe. But, when they cannot cross the border, they return to Turkey without any money.

I ask them, "Why do you want to go?". A young person from Algeria, Moyha, answers, "Because we want a better life, we want to live like humans.

"I want to have a family, I want to have children. I am working at a barber's shop in Turkey. I get 1,800 lira per month, I pay 1,000 for rent. I run out of money, but I want to have a nice meal, I want to wear nice clothes. I want to go to Europe for that. We went to Edirne, we got on the boat and went to Greece, but the police beat us, took our phones and sent us back."

They show me the scratches and stitches on their legs. They conclude by saying that they will go to Europe no matter what, despite the fear they had.

'Everyone throws us to one another'

Two young men stand three steps ahead with a sour look in their eyes. They intercept me and ask me what I am doing there. When I tell them I am a journalist, one of them starts speaking. He seems happy that he has finally found someone, with whom he can share his sorrows. His name is Ahmed. He is 24. He also went to Edirne:

"When I saw the people there, I gave up and came back. Everyone views us as a ball, sis. We are humans. We are tired now. Mother, father, brothers and sisters... We are all in different places.

"They should end the war in my country, everyone should leave our country. We want to go back to our country."

Ahmed has tears in his eyes. "I am tired", he tells me again. He says that he dreams of his home in Syria every night. He cannot continue speaking.

There are also two brothers from Iraq sitting on the fence. They say that they came from Turkey's capital city of Ankara. They have come here to see whether it is possible to cross. They tell me that it is impossible to cross into Greece and they will get back to Ankara.

'So that my two children can get education...'

There is also a crowd near the cars parked along the road. They are all speaking at once. It is impossible to understand what they say without getting really close to them. When I approach them, I understand what this noise is all about. They tell the driver, 'You get people off in wrong places.' When they see the camera in my hand, they start speaking to me.

Mazlum Ali from Kobanê came from Urfa. He also wanted to see if it was possible to cross: "They called us from the Immigration Authority, they said, 'The border is now open, you can go.' They wanted 15 lira for registration. I have spent 400 lira till I can come here, but there is no crossing.

"I will go back to Urfa, I want to go to my own land, but I do not know the situation there. If we go back, I don't know whether we will have our old life or if we will get hungry again. I have two children. That is why I want to go to Europe. So that they can get education... It is said that Syrians are granted aid, but not everyone is given aid. I don't receive any, I do dyeing for a living. If our bellies are full one day, we are hungry the next day."

'We tell them to send these people, not torture them'

While I am speaking with Mazlum Ali, a voice of a man in his 70s interrupts us: "Are you asking questions to Turks, too?"

It is now taxi driver and former soldier Şaban Kıroğlu's turn to speak: "I am from Edirne Uzunköprü. It is said that the gates are open, but people cannot leave. OK, we also want the Syrians to go, but not like that... Babies, children, women are freezing in cold.

"Turkey sends them, Greece doesn't accept them. It cannot be like that, we tell them to send [the refugees], but did not tell to torture them." (RT/SD)