A Custody Case Between "Life is Beautiful" and "Not Without My Daughter"

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"She is in contact with marginal organizations in Mardin, Diyarbakır and Batman..."

"She built her friendship and lifestyle on very flexible and modern people..."

''She sent my daughter to nursery school of American Cultural Centre. My daughter will experience cultural erosion...''

"Mother Nese, an activist in a group that calls themselves the Bridge of Peoples in İzmir, acts with marginal groups in all kinds of contradictory acts but also involves my daughter into it."

''She took my daughter to the demonstration of Armenian orphanage saying, 'Don't let Camp Armen demolished. My daughter's photo appeared in newspapers such as Agos and Özgür Gündem.''

The alleged ex-husband is a doctor in Van. The case is a custody case.

Of course it is understandable that a father wishes to take custody of his child; however, is it ethical to present a woman, his child's mother, to court with such sentences?

Perhaps he adds the above allegations to his petition by taking power from his social position and the current political climate.

One of the allegations of the father presented to the Van Family Court is as follows:

"Because her mother had custody, she smuggled my daughter abroad through members of terrorism."

The woman who is the target of the father's allegations is Nese Koçak. She is also a doctor. She has worked for many years as a volunteer for Syrian refugees.

A woman who does not remain insensitive to social problems produces solutions and therefore participates in democratic actions. I examined what the father called "marginal organization actions. I came across democratic press releases. If you were someone who didn't know this part of the matter, you could believe the father's allegations and say, "Wow, what has she done?" Maybe the father would want the custody court to think the same so that he blamed the mother harshly. The marginalized groups and members of the terrorist organization that the ex-husband alleges that his daughter lives with are the doctors, academics who have been dismissed from the profession due to dissent.

Nese Koçak, who called me from the country she had to go to, says she wouldn't leave her daughter even if they chained her.

I give her the floor. Please hear it...

"When my daughter was 4-5 months old my husband said that after that we would live in the city where his family lived. I didn't want to go with him. Then he said let's separate then. I left the house. In a place like Erzurum, they did not give a house to a woman with a baby, I found a house in very difficult conditions. My daughter and I started living in that house. I didn't graduate yet, so I went to school and worked. As soon as my school was finished, I was assigned to Midyat town of Mardin province. We moved there; my daughter started the nursery. During that time his father saw my daughter once."

"Then, we moved to Izmir. 7-8 months after we started to live in Izmir, his father called, "I want to see my daughter," he said. Our daughter was three years old. She did not have the concept of a father in her head. I told him not to tell her directly that he is her father because the child's psychology would deteriorate. I was thinking we could let her know gently. As soon as he hugged our daughter, he said, "I am your father." The child was surprised and began to cry. However, I didn't want them to meet like this and to have memories of his father in this way.

'He wants the annulment of child support payment'

"As a result of the divorce, the court granted him the right to see the child one weekend a month and 20 days a year. He did not fully exercise this right. However, the conditions were appropriate and he could exercise his right. About 20 days after he saw the child in Izmir, the summons came from the court, he filed for custody. In his petition, he also asked for the annulment of the child support payment. I attended the Camp Armen orphanage demonstration together with my daughter and he added a photo of us from there to his petition.

"He's a doctor in Van. He wants to use all his power. He feels so strong that he can say whatever he wants to me."

"What if my child is taken from me"

In a period when Statutory Decrees came out, Koçak had to send his daughter abroad first. Shortly after that, she had to leave Turkey in different ways. Meanwhile, she learned that her ex-husband had filed a criminal complaint against her to Igdir and Van Public Prosecutor's Office claiming that she was a member of a terrorist organization.

Let's hear more from Koçak:

"His father filed a petition against me for kidnapping our daughter illegally, but it is not true. Because I have custody, I appointed a guardian and sent our child to abroad. Even if you're divorced, your father's consent is no longer required. A woman in Izmir filed a lawsuit on this issue. She said that if she had custody of her child, she had the right to freedom of travel and she won.

"In January 2020, the custody case will be seen in the Family Court in Van. In the context of this case, the consulate of the country we live in wants to get the opinion of the child accompanied by a pedagogue. But I'm very worried."

'Never without my child'

"What if he takes my child away from me, I can't live without my child. He wanted to oppress me as a woman, and when he couldn't, he wanted to upset me by taking my child, meaning he would beat me. He is not really interested in his child. While I was thinking about how little damage our child might get from this process, he put false information on the child's head during the short period they met."

'I want justice'

"Everyone, all the courts need to know, I cannot live without my child. She was given good conditions here. She is very good at school. She speaks two foreign languages besides Turkish. She has no problem with her father. I want the court to decide by thinking about the future of my child. I am not a terrorist. My child won't be a terrorist either. I hope the court makes the right decision."

"The claim that I am not allowing him to see her child is unrealistic. We have been here for almost two years and I gave him my number. He has not called once to speak with his daughter. He ruined my life; I do not want my daughter to experience the same things.

"I lost my job, my life, my house, and my friends. I was working voluntarily as a physician for migrants, displaced people in Peoples' Bridge Association; now I am in the same position. And I am after my child. I've been living in a line between 'Not Without My Daughter' and 'Life Is Beautiful'. I hope the courts will make a conscientious, fair decision and not separate my daughter and me." (EMK/VK)

Translator: Suna Alan