Men were wandering around in groups.
A man combing his hair, wearing perfume was found ridiculous because being well-groomed was feminine. A man who was like a woman was an object of derision. A man should be “like a man”. A man should always prove himself and refresh his maleness. There were some who could walk around without proving his maleness for a few weeks.
Even though official bath days were Sunday, he was having a shower in every few days. That’s why, he was waking up early in the morning hours and was pouring water on himself so no one would understand. Everyone would wait on the sly in front of the school.
A man who would love someone without letting her notice was the man. Everyone had a “cause”.
Cause is the person who is loved, desired.
For some reason it was always a woman who is desired. Then again men would beat each other in groups in front of schools. Some talked to his “cause”, some looked at his “cause”, etc.
Men are etc.
Women wouldn’t engage in these fights because no one of them had a cause. A woman having a cause wouldn’t be thought much of.
He again had engaged in a fight to prove his maleness. His mouth and nose was in black and blue and he cleaned himself without anyone noticing him.
When he used to pee himself at nights, he cleaned the sheets so no one would know, or he wouldn’t get out of the bed so it completely dries. It was not the only moment that he was feeling embarrassed. It is known as morning erection in the literature. He would run to the toilet so that his mother wouldn’t see his erection mixed with pee.
His condition was very weird. As he was struggling so hard to look powerful, he was finding himself in more and more miserable and pathetic situations. He had found himself a new, strong group.
They were going to the cafes where women and men sat together. Everyone was staring at the same girl sitting at the table across and day dreaming. At the end of the story, there would be kids and everything. One house, separate rooms. Houses where women knew how to behave properly.
Almost each and every house had a father. He had one too. He had a father indeed but who was fathering him? Father was upper man, the one that comes after the state. Father was alone as well like any father. While he was eating, watching TV, giving pocket-money…
It is the father who walks in the home with a tape measure. It is again the father who would have an edge with everyone in the family. If grandfather sees that the father loves his child, gets close to him or her, he would condemn him.
The grandfather would condemn any man. Reaching him with a tape measure was impossible. The father would only approach mother. She would pretend to snore to cover she was awake when she heard noises. Then the father would go to the bathroom stepping on them.
So, that was what manhood was about?
It was about stepping over women.
By jumping over everyone, if needs be… The father taught him the biggest lesson, with or without knowing it. Now, he had to prove how good a student he was.
He would make practical jokes on girls. He would stand behind a girl and want one of his friends to push the girl. If he saw that it did not work, then, he would pull their hair. These were all a preliminary preparation for the violence that he would inflict in years to come.
Being the son of the father, thereby fulfilling the expectation, was now his sole objective. The objective was sometimes to buy a new pair of shoes recently released in the market. Sometimes, it was to finish a single cigarette with his male friends at the school restroom. It was to shake prayer beads, to cross his legs, it was to go to the Friday prayer, for example.
Ah, it was also not to look cross-eyed to the sister of his friend. That was the most difficult of all. While he had almost no communication with the girls from his class, he had communication with the sister.
“Hi, is Ahmet at home? You tell him that he has come.”
The sister sometimes said, “Okay.” They were getting on better with one another each passing day. “Okay, I will call him.” He sometimes could not hold himself back and said, “Okay, I am waiting.” He was really close to being friends with a woman. If he had not fallen out with her big brother. If the brother had not sensed that he was getting on better with his sister day by day.
After that, the case was closed and he revolted. He revolted against the mother, the father and, if needs be, against the state.
It was how he made his first serious acquaintance with the state.
In the middle of the night, he drank whatever he could find. He wandered the streets like a mad man. When he came across the police, he found himself in detention room before he knew it. All through the night, he was injected with all possible states of manhood existing in the literature.
The winner was again the manhood.
He had learnt manhood everywhere. He considered himself very lucky.
Nowadays, he is talking about himself to the boys in the neighborhood.
He hangs out with the ones resembling him, he swears around. They act in unison, because men walk around together, women always alone. (AKÇ/ŞA/APA/TK/SD)
52 MEN 52 WEEKS
"This campaign has been produced as part of Sivil Düşün EU Programme, with the support of European Union. The contents of this campaign are the sole responsibility of IPS Communication Foundation/ bianet and can in no way be taken to reflect the views of the European Union.
Author's Previous Articles
Erkekler VS.’dir 09 May 2018Nedense arzulanan kişi hep kadın olurdu. Sonra yine okul önlerinde gruplar halinde erkekler ...